on the way...

i will graduate

2011-11-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

after Prof. Thambi's class ( he asked us to think two questions for him before coming to his class), i started to have passion for learning.

Learning: is a process of looking for answer.
I has been a student for too long, maybe, the passion for studying slowly die off. especially after i entering university, the purpose of studying most of the time is "not to fail exam". Most of the time, i am "forced" to study, because if i fail the exam, my parents will be very disappointed, i don't want to make them sad, i will be very very guilty.

There are still 86 days left to my study week.
Frankly speaking, i dono what had i been doing for this whole year,
Since entered final year, i don't think i work hard enough compare to my third year. i dono what had i learn in the final year.
Medicine seems boring to me, i don't think i can be a good doctor (because i think that i know nothing), sometime, i even think of quiting the course... but, think only la~

After Prof.Thambi's class, i was inspired to LEARN again.
Create question, then look for answer. This few days, i put on some effort to find out the answers of the question being asked by lecturers. I find this process is actually very interesting. The feeling of when the answer is found, is so so so so so HAPPY.

I still have 86 days left,
a senior told me that, many changes still can be made within this 3 months time.
ya, it's still not too late.
this fire should keep burning, and i will let myself PASS my Final MBBS.

nice quote

2011-10-15T09:50:00.000+08:00

你要相信，有一個人正向你走來，他會帶給你最美麗的愛情。
你要做的只是在那個人出現之前，好好的照顧自己。

one year

2011-08-28T18:43:00.003+08:00

28 august

keep going

2011-07-23T22:16:00.001+08:00

life is like a game
need to defeat the monster of 1st level,
then only can go to 2nd level.
thus, need to keep improving, to go to higher level

welcoming the arrival of a new life

2011-07-04T15:51:00.001+08:00

before going for the first overnight oncall, i was still wondering, "am i able to stay awake for whole night without sleeping?" i usually sleep quite early, not exist 12am, otherwise i will be in drunken state... if i cant overcome my sleepiness, how can i learn from the oncall... i was so worry...worry...worry...

then the night come. labour room was a tense environment. sympathetic reaction was activated. surprisingly, i was not sleepy at all...
10pm: clerk a mother admitted bcz of low fetal weight, had underlying PIH, Grave's ds and corrected VSD... a complicated case...
12am: went to operation theater to observe a Ceasarean Section together with Bilateral Tubal Ligation. get my log book signed *v*
3am: come back from OT, got 2 new admissions, clerk patients again
4am: missed to conduct a delivery, bcz the process of that multigravida mother delivering occured too fast, then jz able to deliver her placenta
5am: another mother was about to deliver, at this time, i volunteered to assist a houseman to conduct the delivery. The baby was born safely, thanks god! but after that, i found my heart pounding very fast, very hard...got a bit shortness of breath...dono why, i think i was frightened...in the same time, i was touched, by the courage of the mother.
6am: went to post-natal ward to take blood. i was still very alert, able to get all veins, 100% achievement for blood taking ^^
8am: call it a day! went to the cafe in faculty to treat myself with my beloved roti canai + milo panas, an award for myself to complete my 1st ever oncall, and 100% achievement for blood taking ^^
p/s: both of my gastronemius muscles were painful, bcz of standing for whole night...but then, i felt the tiredness was worthy

actually, at that night, i saw 2 very contrasting acceptance of the arrival of baby by his/her mother...
case 1: a young mother, primigravida, she didn't want to push properly, she said she gave up to push. After encouraging her, she tried to push and finally the baby came out. But...she didn't look at her own baby when the baby was born out...she seems like don't want her baby... i am so sad...
case 2: a mother seems very happy after giving birth to her baby, immediately want to hug the baby, want to breastfeed the baby.

Lesson learn:
a woman need to be very brave to deliver a baby, not to mention the 10months of difficult time before delivering.
a man need to appreciate a woman who is willing to deliver a baby for him, pain of delivering is the most painful...a man will never know how to describe it...

i appreciate my mom, who had difficulty when delivering me, and was sent to emergency OT...then had a classical Ceasarean section...because of me, an ugly subumbilical midline scar was added on her beautiful tummy...
i appreciate the obstetrician who help my mother to deliver me, due to his/her proper managementl, i am alive and well now, and my mom is well too without suffering any complication from the operation

whatever

2011-05-28T11:36:00.000+08:00

next monday: short case exam
next thursday: viva exam
next friday: written paper

today: online watching movie
what the hell i have done?!!!
i should have done my revision...

there are too many thoughts inside my head, sorry books, no space to process u...

strong

2011-05-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

i never doubt that i am a strong person
but sometimes my tears just...
i think maybe bcz i am feeling really helpless just now despite i had tried to do my best
tried to squeeze out whatever inside my brain to come out with the correct answer which my lecturer wanted, but it kept turn out incorrect...i was disappointed with myself...then i lost my confidence...then i felt helpless...
other than studying, i think maybe need to acquire a skill about how to read people's mind

thx the lecturer for not getting angry with me, felt so sorry for making him disappointed, i know he was trying very hard to push me
i will work harder, and smarter
ya, i always will

play play play

2011-04-25T20:33:00.001+08:00

enjoy!

the more simple, the better

2011-04-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

my brain is too simple,
find it difficult to interpret complicated stuff, headache

life is not easy,
but it's just depends on how people look at it
somebody complicates simple things, whereas somebody simplifies complicated things

to be happy is not difficult
the more simple, the better

attitude

2011-04-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

beliefs contribute to attitude
attitude revealed by behavior

my attitude
as a student or during working: try your best, don't regret
as a daughter: be filial
as a sister of two younger brothers: be a role model
as a woman: be gentle

lending a hand

2011-04-18T20:16:00.000+08:00

During hard times, if there is somebody offer helps willingly and spontaneously, the kindness is greatly appreciated. Maybe group work has its own benefits, namely helping each other, compensating each other. I am glad that in this final year, i am arranged in a group which my teammates are so willing to help. And i find myself feel good by contributing to my group. thanks to my teammates, especially Jessica, Sui Ching, Kwok Kang...thank you so much, i am not fighting alone anymore.

something is just not right

2011-04-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

the feeling of "something is not right" grows stronger and stronger...

shall i continue?

lets wait and see

keep going

2011-03-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

there are something you have to do
have to go through
no matter how hard it is

you have to learn the skill
otherwise you are not the one you suppose to be

Changes

2011-03-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

it has been long time i neglected this blog

how's everyone? hope that all of you are fine

just made some changes to myself (physically and mentally)
and of course, need to make some changes to this blog, at least, the background

for those who still visit my blog, all the best and THANKS! ^^

不想vs不应该

2008-11-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

有太多的应该与不应该
到底是谁定下这些应该与不应该
为什么要被这些应该与不应该束缚着

快窒息了

郁闷。。。
为什么mid sem holiday 只有四天？！

真的很不想回去过那种整天啃书的生活
算了吧
还是应该回去做那些应该做的事的

生活本来就不是你想怎么做就能怎么做
想归想应该归应该

我只是想开开心心的过生活

我们不是本来就应该开开心心的过生活吗？

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

2008-08-29T14:36:00.000+08:00

Laughter is the cheapest tonic and vacation.

It stirs the blood, exercises the chest, stimulates the nerve,

chases grief, fear and wrath,

wins friends, cures the blues and

gives all a cleansing rehabilitation.

Medical research has shown that laughter triggers the release of two neuropeptides called endorphin and encephalin that are body's natural pain killer, and the releases of catecholamines that are believed to speed up the healing process.

so, lets

(^-^)Y

2008-07-17T16:55:00.001+08:00

on last friday,11/7/2008, the fifth day of my second year as a phase 2 student, i was too sien...nothing to do, so went to computer lab to online just after the lectures...

being a quite obedient student, of course i had joted down some notes in the lecture.sitting in front of the computer, not knowing which web site to visit...i flipped through the notes and noticed "Tuskegee Syphilis", 2 new terms which i had joted down in the 'Epidemiology & Statistic' class. The professor asked us to seach for it if we were interested, well, it was just a nice-to-know thing, sure wont come out in exam. since so sien, in addition to my curiousity, i google it. And...i found something that i cant accept...(at least at that moment. after nights of thinking of it, i accept the reality now)

The United States government did something that was wrong—deeply, profoundly, morally wrong. It was an outrage to our commitment to integrity and equality for all our citizens. . . . clearly racist.
—President Clinton's apology for the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment to the eight remaining survivors, May 16, 1997

glossary

Tuskegee: a name of a place

Syphilis: one type of sex transmited disease

here is the address, http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0762136.html.

and today, 17/7/2008, i heard about a test which was carried out in University Hospital in the lecture also. the test was about injecting some drugs into the subjects. if the drugs are proven safe to be used, then it will be approved to be sold by local drugs company. the lecturer said he was looking for healthy subjects for a test in the coming August. Every subject wil be given RM300 for their time participating in the test, staying overnight in hospital on friday and can go back on saturday. THE DRUGS ARE SAFE, he mentioned. anyone interested to become the subjects can give him their names.

people always said modern medical treatment is more reliable than traditional medical treatment because the modern medical treatment is proven, have more facts. there are where the FACTs come from, from the TESTs, the EXPERIMENTs, and from the SUBJECTs. there might be risks for the subjects, because nobody know what will happen on the subjects, and those are the things the physicians want to know, so that they can do something better to improve the public health.

the reason for me to accept the reality of Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment:

"when you want to get something, maybe you need to sacrifice something."

and it also reminds me :

"in the medical field, ATTITUDE is important."

new semester...study again...

2008-07-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

wheter u like it or not, ppl hv to face reality.
today is the first day of the new semester. totally a NEW START!

must study properly o!

good luck, everyone!